Tadpoles, Abba & Meditation

First of all, I'm opposed to the word "blog" and even more so to the word "blogroll."  It sounds like something hanging in an English toilet that you wipe your arse with.  I don't know what else to call this though...it's not a diary, it's sort of a missive, it's undoubtedly narcissistic and blog just sounds...heavy and dull.  How about snargle?  Welcome to my snargle!  Or brinkle?  That's cute.  Too cute.  Anyway... bollocks to blog.

But...no bollocks to meditation.  I had no idea of the importance of this daily ritual.  In fact, like many people I know and others I don't, I never thought I'd be able to sit still for more than ten minutes without the intrusion of annoying thoughts.  Uncontrollable, unstoppable thought.  Because that's what the mind does, right?  It thinks for us and controls us.  Right?  Wrong.  Now, I'm not writing this to teach Grandma to suck eggs (or for my American friends - "preach to the choir"), I just wanted to write about my own personal experiences about meditation and it's beneficial qualities on this new path of mine and in so doing, hopefully pay it forward.

I've sought others like me through search engines and the like.  I'd type in vague parameters like "New to meditation" or "Meditation techniques" but most results I found were too technical with links to various teachings, religious explanations, read this book, or stand on your head in the corner and picture thousands of people dying in the ocean.  Ok...the head in the corner wasn't a found item (thankfully) but the ocean of dying people, was.  Very disturbing.

You see, in the grand scheme of things, I'm like a little tadpole and I'm just beginning to grow, which reminded me of this Abba song, so I thought I'd stick in here and share.  Although, listening to the lyrics, it does have some bearing, as if I were addressing the light inside of me, instead of some chump I was singing a love song to in a cafe in Sweden.

We've all had or got crap in our lives.  Some of it just piles right on top of the other dollop of crap that just rained down on the one before it.  I'm no different.  Although, my pile of crap has been stacking up for seven years. In seven years, my family, that is my husband, kids and I (although the kids are sort of sheltered from most of the emotional crap) have seen three businesses close, one gorgeous house returned to the bank, bankruptcy, court summonses, two house moves and my Mum almost died but left paralyzed.  Not to mention the daily struggle of finding money for bills, clothes and food.

It's a lot to bear the weight of over a long period of time, no?  The oppression left me feeling resentful, angry, bitter, negative, expecting nothing to go right, hopeless and worst of all, believing that everyone was out to get me.  Even people on the street.  Strangers saw only the shadowy, dark side of me with a scowl of judgment and rotten perception of their judgment of me...a fine mirror, don't you think?

Then, one day in October, without fully realizing that I was turning a spiritual corner, I had the opportunity to meet a wonderful woman at The Healing Room.  Patty helped open my eyes to the road in front of me, one that I had already taken a few steps on with the help of returning to the theatre.  Between rejoining the theatrical world and running with Patty's suggestions, I discovered the light inside that I think I had known was always there, I just hadn't figured out how to access it.

Around the same time, and no coinkidink either, Deepak Chopra offered his 21-day Meditation Challenge which I took on with much gusto.  Well, no gusto as such during the meditation but I surrendered to the process completely and words cannot describe the gratitude, joy and sense of peace that came over me.  Every day.  Once or twice, during those days, I actually felt the sensation of being bigger than my body.  It was amazing.

So, that's how I came to discover the benefits of meditation.  My family struggles even more since our last restaurant closed and my husband and I send out our resumes in hopeful, daily flurries.  Some days, I struggle, but mostly I can't help but sing out "I'm feeling positive!" as I strap on my boots and go pay the water bill...just in time.

Lisa ...