Questions, questions...

Allow me to preface this snargle and say that regardless of the subject matter or tone, today is a good day.

Beautiful view in French translates to Belle Vue.  It conjures up images of swathed vistas of green hills leading down to a dark blue ocean somewhere on the French Riviera.  For me anyway...you might have other views in mind. Perhaps I'm just having a wistful moment, but by golly, I'd love to be here...

Belle Vue...hmm...a mental sigh.  Sometimes I have days like this and I have no doubt that we all do.  Days where I mind-munch on things and become unaware of the battle between my mind and my heart until I realize the dialogue goes something like this - Mind: "Look at this or remember that?"  Heart: "Yes, yes I do.  But I don't want to...go away and eat biscuits!!"  See, there's the mind throwing all those uncontrollable thoughts down the emotional windpipe to the heart.

Learning how to open my heart and allow whatever I feel, to feel, is difficult, because sometimes what I feel doesn't feel good.  And therein lies the paradox.  Feel it all in order to feel good.

I read this a while ago and of all the crap I Like on Facebook...all the quotes, the affirmations and soul boosters, this is the one that I tend to come back to.  Things that happened before really do feel like books written in a foreign tongue if I concentrate on them.  Not focus...that's a different practice entirely.  But when I concentrate or reflect, even...events, happenings, people, things said and done...they are ethereal and wispy...untouchable.  Much like a child who sees but doesn't understand, I have questions that I alone, right now, cannot answer.  However, as the saying goes up there, if I allow my heart the room to breathe the questions, not fear the questions, just ... let them be, in time I hope to fully understand and feel resolved with the answers.

So.  On days like this when I have shadowy parts in my heart and an ache in my solar plexus, I breathe in healing light through my nose and blow out (imaginary) smoke through my mouth.  I use a lot of imagery during meditation.  Sometimes I think it's a bit kooky but I do it anyway because I guess the spirit understands the quality more than the mind does.  There goes that pesky mind again, being all decoyish and redirective!

I imagine that the negativity is cleansed and I do my best to set the intention in my heart to allow myself to be at peace with all that I feel - the stuff that hurts and the stuff that brings me joy.  And that's all I can ask of myself, to be sincere and authentic.  It doesn't have to be a perfect meditation with absolute silence.  Quite frankly, I don't think there is such as a thing as a "perfect" meditation.

As long as I am in a state of restful awareness, I can see those questions, I can feel how they affect me but I am able, in part, to let them go.  On good days.  On not so good days?  Well, that's a whole nuther snargle entirely...

Lisa ...