Love...

Ahoy!

Today, I heard that a good friend of mine snagged himself a plum job out of state which meant that he would have to uproot his family once again.  I call him a good friend, despite the fact that in the eleven years I've known him, if you were to add up all the times we were in each others' presence, it would probably only come to about ooh, a month.  Sometimes it doesn't take much to realize the spirited connectedness between two people, no matter how states, or time separate them.

C.S. Lewis wrote about The Four Loves:

Storge (stor-gay) - Affection.  Fondness through familiarity.  It's a natural feeling, a cherishing sort of love, without limits, without pressure and non-judgemental.  Most often found within family.

Philia - Friendship.  The love that exists between friends.  Lewis is pretty firm in his stance that people of the modern world have not experienced this kind of strong, instinctive, convivial love like those found in Greek Mythology or The Bible.  However, with the emergence of online networks like Facebook, Live Journal and the like, I beg to differ that not only have we seen an upsurge in deep connections such as this, but I have seen and experienced the actual rekindling and growth of this type of love through old school friends, for example.

 I would also like to mention that there is a feeling of more loving kindness in the world...not enough yet to outweigh the horrors but if enough of us feel this way and do our part, there has to be change at some point.

*steps off soapbox*

Eros - Romance.  Fairly straightforward, this one with the sense of loving someone, being in love and having passion for another. 

Agape (a-gop-ay) - Unconditional Love.  It tends to have different meanings in all the major food groups, but to lay it down in its base form, I understand it to mean a selfless love, the purest form there is, either coming from (and going to) Source or God, or whoever...up there.  It is gentle, caring and discriminates against no-one. 

John Lee believes that there are six which include those up there as well as these:

Ludus - probably reserved for college students.

Pragma - for Sheldon Cooperites

and

 

Mania - for the Glenn Close types...

However a person feels love, in any or all of those forms, there is also the possibility to feel the stinging backside of it when things change.  Except perhaps with Agape Love which is endless and timeless and sacred.

Now, my friend.  My dear friend, to whom I have been loyal all these years without really noticing, told me his news and my little heart ached.  It's definitely Philia love right there and even though we've spent more time apart than together, it's a testament to the strength of our friendship that I shed a few tears. 

We've all had heartache from any one of those sources above (again Agape notwithstanding).  When I was younger, and as I tend to describe myself back then - "vacant" - heartaches were frequent, cruel and the anguish was oh, just unbearable!  That's the price of youth, I think.  The hard knocks and learning curves and any other cliche you could throw in there.  But we yearn for it and we search for it (unless we are Sheldon Cooper).

We put trust in our finds, even though it could all go in an unexpected direction.  A friend you thought was a good friend, turns out to be not so much.  Ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with?  The guy you were obsessed with got a restraining order on you...whatever the turn of events (probably not as crazy as the last one), it doesn't get easier as we get older, no matter how wise we think we have become.  That sharpness sticks the heart without mercy but the difference is in how we deal and how we bounce back.

 

If you miss, it's ok to miss.  If you love, it's ok to love.  Feel what you feel.  Open up to it all.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  Because, like she said up there, it won't last forever. 

 

What kind of souls would we be cultivating in this lifetime if we just shut down to everything because it hurt too much? 

 

Boring ones. 

 

Ones who hadn't felt the wild pendulum of emotion.

 

And, I don't know about you but I want to use this lifetime to grow as much as I can, learn all I can squeeze in and love as heartily and playfully and deeply as possible.

 

Lisa...



Out of the comfort zone...

I grew up with classic British comedy such as Fawlty Towers.  That scene is one of my favorites, as is this one...

I loved The Good Life,(with the wonderful Richard Briers, RIP) Morecambe & Wise, Terry & June and so many, many others that would take up most of this page.  Good British comedy...bawdy, rude, off-color that always featured some sort of misunderstanding or embarrassing coincidence. 

I also fell in love with Danny Kaye from an early age after watching his debut movie "Up in Arms".  I was not like my peers at all.  I think most of them were listening to Duran Duran or Morrissey before school, yet there I was begging my Mum to play this one song and dance scene he had with Dinah Shore every morning.  Without realizing it, I took part of him with me to school every day.  His comedic ability and wonderful sense of timing helped me get through those years when I felt awkward and different and so far away from my own sense of self. 

It was his influence and those of some of the other actors and actresses that I secretly admired, that switched on my love for the theatre.  I took to it like a duck to water, not really knowing that I was immersing myself into characters (be it The Seer in one production or Alice from Alice in Wonderland who cavorted with other literary characters in a student-written production called Victor, Vera and the Video Pirates) as a way to find someone else to be.

Acting was the only thing I felt confident about being able to do (that, and having wild crushes).  Even as a gangly ten-year old in a school production about The Archers, I remember a teacher repeatedly asking another student to say a line a certain way.  Well, I had ants in the pants, I hopped up and down, because I just knew how it had to be done.  I blurted out "Mr. whatever-your-name-was, like this?"...I said the line and the part was mine. 

It did not endear me to the other students.  Oh well.  Thanks Mum, for this pic...

When I was grown up, single and living alone in England, a little voice urged me to get back to the theatre.  But, I didn't want to.  It scared me.  It was something I did as a kid when I was less concerned with familiarity and things staying just the way they were.  I have no doubt now, when I look back, that I was being guided away from a destructive relationship into a place and activity where I'd find healing and happiness. 

I struggled to get out of the car and into The Athenaeum that first day but once I did, I never looked back (whilst living in England anyway).  I performed with The Western College Players for a couple of years and that was fun but I was still separated from the self.  Sure, I got nervous before going on stage and I played my characters according to the script. There was just a certain something lacking when I ponder on some of those roles.  A deeper sense of the person was missing. 

Mind you, my turn as Ruby Birtle in When We Are Married will always be a favorite...she was right up my cheeky alley.

Time passed, I got married, had kids and took a very long break from the stage and in those 14 years away, I lived into myself. 

Before long, that little voice got louder...go back to the theatre...go baaaack....

And I did.  I have.  And I love it, more so than before.  I am more nervous, more scared, more oh.my.god.i.think.i'm.going.to.throw.up.my.solar.plexus.  My husband asked me before the last show, in an almost incredulous tone, as I was breathing deeply and pacing the kitchen..."Why do you do it??" and all I could reply was "...because I love it."

It takes me so far out of my comfort zone; it's thrilling.  I wait in the wings, ready to go and I'm like jello inside.  But then I get out there and as long as I've got my first line out, I know I'm good to go and I am that person on the page, lifted off the page.  I'm better at it now because I'm connected to my soul, and to keep that connection alive means taking myself on that journey to where real, good life is and living that, is awesome.

Now, I don't get paid to act, I actually have a job for that and it's not what I love to do, but it puts food on the table and that's essential.  In fact, many areas of my life are uncertain these days and we don't know where the next punch will come from, but I keep focusing on the positives.

If you love to cook, to run, to read, to paint, to take photographs, to write, to do pilates, to do anything...anything at all, just do it.  It doesn't have to be the squiggly, nerve-wracking experience that I put myself through, but if it makes your soul sing and brings a smile to your face, just do it.  If you have the loud voice feeding that negative self-image, heed the one that's quieter, more stable and less prone to outbursts...it's telling you the truth...that you are good at this thing or that you truly will enjoy this thing, that this thing is for you and you can do it. 

Because you just never know what your attitude and sense of purpose will bring to you.  I'm already on to the third chapter of my book, huzzah!

Lisa...

It's your choice...

 

 

Have you seen this movie?  I really enjoyed it and why not?  It was chicky, appealing, humorous, touching and well, Javier Bardem...?  Mmm...

 

 

...mmmm, where was I?

 

Right!  What Richard Jenkins' character is trying to tell Julia Roberts' character is really what it's all about.  Let it be.  Sit.  Observe.  Surrender.  And that brought me to mantras.

 

Before taking part in Deepak Chopra's 21 Day Meditation Challenge last November, the word mantra had a vague Far Eastern mysticism attached to it, as if it were something long and complicated that people muttered over and over in a foreign language whilst in a trance-like state.  I had no idea of its purpose nor its power until Dr. Chopra assured that it needn't be anything like that at all.

 

He likened it to a train that helps you get from one place to another.  From your physical aware state to your mental, soul-aware state.  You repeat it in the mind, slowly and with intent and whenever you find yourself drifting away with thoughts about anything else like when will I find time to run?  I must run my lines.  Take chicken out of the freezer for dinner...why, what, when, how and where...you can gently bring your mind back to something that can be grasped, your mantra, and off you go again on your little, swaying, train ride. 

 

I have all the emails that contained the links to each one of those Meditation Days because each one holds a nugget of mental gold.  Wise words of advice to be carried within, all day, all week, all the time...along with a daily mantra.  There were lots of those.  Some repeated over a couple of days depending on the day's affirmation, intent and reason.

 

The ones I come back to frequently are:

 

 

So Hum 

(which translates to I Am or I Myself...a validating, nurturing, strengthening choice)

 

This is a very helpful explanation...

 

 

 

Sat, Chit, Ananda

(which translates to Existence, Conscsiousness, Bliss.  Pronounced "Sadth, Chidth, Ananda...")

 

Another source of explanation...

 

 

 

Om Bhavam Namah

(which translates to I am absolute existence.  I am a field of all possibilities.  Pronounced "Aum Bavam Nama...")

 

An excellent source of these types of mantras and their meanings.

 





But, mantras are also a very personal thing.  Something finely tuned to a person and their needs, their desires, their goals, wants, personality and soul.

I have friends who prefer to listen to ocean sounds.  Some who have their own mantras.  Often I'll use whatever I need at the time and repeat those words over and over until it becomes a part of my thought process.  Something like "I release "insert name" or "emotion".  Sometimes, I just sit still and let whatever comes come.

Recently, I discovered Buddhist Breathing Meditation and counting the breaths.  That took some time to achieve, believe it or not.  Much like in life, you grow accustomed to doing a certain thing one way, then you switch it up and it feels weird for a bit.  It's like that with this counting thing...counting on the in-breath for a period of time then changing it to counting on the out-breath.  It's a natural thing to want to regain control when things are off-kilter and so it goes with this type of meditation...letting go of the need to control your breath so that it can be allowed to happen naturally.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter what method you use, be it ocean sounds, birds in the woods, still and silent, breathing, counting, visualization.  Just sit.  Just be.  Just give yourself over to doing nothing but connecting with yourself, however you choose to do it.

I've been tired lately though and have found myself drifting off during a meditation, only to wake up with that startling head jerk (and I'm not talking about my husband). So, I say it's ok to take a break as long as you have the intent to return.  Just don't leave it too long otherwise your guides will startle you awake in your dreams by calling your name in an effort to remind you that you are overdue your meeting with them...and yourself.

It's true.  It's happened to me twice in the past month.  But that's a snargle for another day. 

Before I go...

Just because we all give, all day...so take time for yourself.

It's so important...

Lisa...

Sweet dreams are made of what may come.

Dreams, huh?  We all get that there are messages and clues behind those wild, crazy stories that gallop around wantonly at nighttime.  Sometimes they make sense and sometimes they're just way out there loony style.  Some of us remember and some of us have a more difficult time grasping the wispy remnants, like a fragment of a memory from childhood.  Some of us have lucid dreams, meaning we are aware that we are dreaming.  I'm fortunate to remember many of mine and I do have lucid dreams, to the point where I can rewind and change scenes or outcomes.  I think that's pretty cool, and would be made cooler still if Johnny Depp would enter at some point.

But anyhoo...last night's dream was not the rewind kind but still very vivid and loaded with suggestions and solutions. 

Essentially, there were two parts.  The first part involved me driving in a thick snowstorm, which was so thick that I couldn't see in front of me.  At one point, I braked hard and the car I was driving did a vehicle version of a forward roll.  I remember the car being vertical, me perched at the wheel, parallel to the road before it tipped over twice and eventually righted itself.  I got out, unshaken or stirred and walked over to another car that was upside down.  With one arm I grabbed one of the back wheels, picked it up and turned it right side up.

After that scene I switched to another, very different one.  This happens a lot, with many scenes having no relation or bearing on the previous or the next.  I walked into an office that had the feeling of being the place I worked, except it was full of people I didn't know, milling around, being sociable.  I approached a man who was unfamiliar and inquired after my colleagues.  I don't remember the dialog; I had the sense that they had all gone and that I was being given another post, half-heartedly, as if the current clan didn't really care whether I stayed or went.  So I left, shruggedly and whatevery.

We all are aware that the thoughts we focus upon during our physical reality could become fodder for our dreams.  What's more important though, are the thoughts that lurk in the background, those frets, fears, frustrations and ideas that never really come to the forefront.  They are the meat and potatoes of our dreamscape reality.  And, our dreams aren't simply a metaphor for our daily lives.  Again, choirs and preaching notwithstanding, we know that what we dream about can offer solutions and help point us in a certain direction.  But, I have concluded that the cookie is not just in the crumble, it's also in how you feel during your dream.

For example, after last night's amazing feat of strength and the whole driving through the blinding snowstorm thing, I proudly came to the conclusion that I do indeed have the inner strength to cope with any obstacle. Thought it was obvious, figured I got that pegged. Until I approached my dream app (which isn't one of those whimsical, fairytale, point out the obvious side of things apps...in fact it's pretty Freudian with its explanations). There, I read the exact opposite...that my show of strength symbolized the fact that my ambition outstripped my ability and that I needed to adjust my goals thusly. Also, the snow allegedly represented the appearance of illness and unsatisfactory enterprises. Worse, to find myself in a snowstorm denoted sorrow and disappointment. And, worse still, to see large white snowflakes falling while looking through a window (does a windshield count?) foretold of an 'angry interview' with my sweetheart (which was sort of true this morning).  So, what about driving? Well, in the dream, my driving was hampered by all the snow and apparently, if you cannot see ahead, it is an indicator that you do not know where you are headed or what you want to do with yourself.

Indignant, was I!  Nay...

I raised an eyebrow and pondered, drummed my fingers and listened to Esther Hicks discuss dreams.  I decided to step away from the literal and think about the thing as a whole.  I remember lifting up that car with one arm was no big deal, as if it were something I did every day, like changing a diaper - a roll of the eyes, a flick of the hand and bip, bam, boom, Bob's yer Uncle!  Where did my ambition and ability fit into that?  I mean, I have ambitions to act and write and I think my ability is on par with those dreams, although the writing part could use a poke in the arse.  So, I think I'll stick with my hypothesis that I can nurture my inner moxy and trust it to slap the crap out of any shitstorm that comes my way.

As for the office thing...hmm...well, leaving something behind perhaps and being ok with it?

What about the dream a couple of months ago where I narrowly escaped being hit by a train that had derailed and was hurtling through the air toward me with the words echoing in my head "That was close!?"

Or the one where I was walking with my husband someplace like this (Ilfracombe high street, just fyi)...

...I was naked but he had his undies on.  At first, I wanted to cover up but found my courage and walked strong and proud.  That one was fairly obvious, right?  I figured it meant that I had discovered a new sense of honesty, openness and a carefree nature.  However, that little dream app gave me the old Z fingersnap and said "Nuh uh...honey" and went on to say that it meant I was afraid to be seen for who I really was.  *insert raspberry*

Again, I go with the feeling of being happy and chin-up with that one.

Mind you, later on in that series of disjointed scenes, I surfed with no surfboard on water-logged grass.  NO idea what that meant.

Of course, other dreams really are quite obvious in their message.  Especially if they involve someone you know, like exes.  Those are always fun, especially when it's so close to the event. 

Recurring dreams?  I still remember one I had from childhood about an alligator that would come up out of the drain in the road, inside out.  Now, there's an eyebrow raiser.

So, in conclusion, our dreamscape reality is essential to the wellbeing of our physical reality and vice versa.  They work in tandem and even if you wake up with the shadows of your sleeping thoughts laughing and running away from you as you reach out for them, just remember that their seeds have been planted and they are there for you to reap should you need them.  All you have to do is ask for them and they will be given.  Just keep an open mind.

Sleep well...

Lisa...

The Truth...

So, my snarglemates, this is a pretty big week for Ms. Biscuit; the play that I wrote will debut this weekend.  Sure, the stage is in a garage at the American Legion Post 25 which is unconventional - big thanks for their generosity and understanding in allowing us to use the space - but we're doing our darndest to pretty the place up  (note...the group I'm with really needs to find a new home!)

My cast have worked very hard to breathe life into the words that were borne out of a real life situation and I've realized that I've been plugging up the proverbial dam which has had just about enough and overflows freely today.

I've watched my little effort grow, poured myself into it and nurtured it.  At  times I'm critical of it and others, I love it - especially when my cast bring their emotion to the performance.  It's a bit of a rollercoaster ride.  And life revolves around it like a giant washing machine...with the other play I'm actually in, home stuff, work stuff, kid stuff, money stuff, marriage stuff...blah de blah. 

When I'm feeling overwhelmed, a voice admonishes me for being silly.  Man up!  Jeez, Lisa...you have friends who juggle two, sometimes three plays at a time, all the while holding down full-time jobs AND the family fort, just like you.  So, stop being a wimp, plug up those dam(n) holes and carry on.  Stiff upper lip, and all that.

I know a guy who, as a kid, was admonished by an adult relative for crying at a funeral.  When I heard that story, I was saddened for the boy who learned quickly that instead of dealing with the emotion, he should just tuck it up into a box and shelve it away (where he has now, as an adult, many many boxes, I presume).  But, I also felt a little sad for the adult who felt it was ok to teach the boy that behavior.

We endure disappointment, frustation, anger, fear, sadness, longing, loneliness...these feelings that are natural but kind of unhealthy and have a negative conotation.  Perhaps like that boy, we grew up without the tools to effectively manage emotions, so we push them away, repress, repress, repress. 

Alternatively, we wallow in them because that's pretty easy to do.  And it does feel carthartic for a while.  I mean, let's face it, there's nothing like a good cry and it really does literally shed some of the crap from you.  So, express, express, express is good.  To a point.

This morning, it was just a jumble of everything.  How do you sort it all out?  Where do you begin to find what is authentic and what is your admonishing mind, your longing mind, your devious, tricky trickster mind feeding you thoughts that you have forgotten that you can control?  How do you release the past and its burden of wounded dreams?  How do you get back to you?

I reach out for anything positive.  My intution, which I'm getting much better at listening to, said "anything...anything that is positive."  Anything that you can throw your anchor on to, that will take you away from this prickly path to the one that you know is true.

I have Hayhouse radio on my phone and happened to tune in as Esther Hicks was speaking.  This link isn't what I heard but her message is consistent, whatever excerpt you listen to.  Her conviction is powerful. 

 

Now, I know it's not for all of you and I'm not writing my snargles to convince you to join my cult or burn small animals over a campfire and dance around it naked.  I'm here simply to document my journey and it's going to come with witty snargles, ranty snargles (not many of those) and sometimes, like this one...heartfelt, personal snargles.

 

Anyhoo...after I listened to Mrs. Hicks, I saw this on Facebook and since I'd already ackowledged that I needed good stuff to attach to today, this really resonated with me...

I have learned to lean into the unknown.
I have learned to trust in the flow of life.
I have learned that if I ask questions around anything that brings up funky emotions within me or scares the bajeebus out of me…

Answers, solutions, and relief will be provided. Period. That’s just the way it works...

 

I'm still learning, as we all are and do until the day our souls depart our bodies.  But, I fully accepted at that very moment that there will be times, moments, days (but never more than a day) when I will feel like I haven't learned anything, that I am mistrustful of my direction and that absolutely, the unknown and the questions that accompany those unknowns will terrify me. 

 

In that time of resistance, when I'm aware...right then, is when I can be brought back to the path.  Even though I will still feel the aftershocks of being in the valley, I know deep down, that I am one step further forward on this journey and I see peaks, valleys and plateaus ahead of me.

 

So.  The moral of this snargle is...eat biscuits, drink your hot drink of choice, cry if you need to and express not repress as Meg Ryan so succinctly puts it in one of my top most favoritest movies of all time:

 

 

...and accept wherever you are and whatever you are going through.  Breathe deep and know it's going to be ok.  Change your thoughts and you will change your attitude and ultimately, have a better day.

 

Lisa...

 

These cushions are making me creaky...

But I'll kneel down
Wait for now
I'll kneel down
Know my ground

 

 

Now there's a little something rousing to kick this one off!  I just love this song.  I think it's about forgiveness but I guess it's all down to how you interpret it.  Me, I go with how a song makes me feel or the broad message it implies as opposed to sticking it to the lyrics.  With this song, I imagine I'm standing in a packed, smoky pub in England, nursing my pint because it's 10 feet deep at the bar and I know I'll lose my plum place watching this awesome band if I even attempt to get another drink.  

 

I like the lyrics up there too, even if I'm not entirely sure what they mean.  They feel patient, steadfast and sure.  Traits that are hard to come by these days, or at least maintain.  We're all busy...chop, chop, busy, busy, work, work, bang, bang...so we need something like this:

 

"...remind me that I must try to be alone for part of each year, even a week or a few days; and for part of each day, even for an hour or a few minutes in order to keep my core, my center, my island-quality. You will remind me that unless I keep the island-mentality intact somewhere within me, I will have little to give my husband, my children, my friends or the world at large." -...Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea

 

I'd just like to mention that the woman popped out six kids, one of whom was kidnapped and later found dead.  She and her husband exiled themselves to Europe where they fell in with the Nazi's, sort of, but enough for others to sit up and take notice.  They were declared fascists.  She had an affair then he had an affair which bore fruity children.  So...I take my hat off to this woman who somehow managed to keep her little tranquil, island-mentality intact while surrounded by so much flux over so many years.

 

Did she meditate?  I bet she did.

 

And I'll tell you this, after meditating steadfastly for a couple of months, I noticed the difference in me when I didn't.  The pool of light turned murky, I lost some of the glimmer of positivity, and worse, I began to feel disconnected.  The connection between the heart, the mind and the body was breaking down and I could feel myself slipping into old habits.  Not the grumpy, everybody's out to get me habit because I think those days are truly long gone.  More of a shadowy beast with long, black tendrils for arms and raggedy claws getting ready with a snarly grin, to leap in and deliver worry, fear, past hurt, pain and regret and all those negative thoughts that if you think on too long, really do get bigger. 

 

Backalong, I discovered this wonderful used book store and had picked up a book by Deepak Chopra and also this.  I am not a Buddhist by any means, I just wanted to find something practical that would help me find a better way to sit, to help me decide whether I should use a mantra, or to have soft music or nothing at all.  See, after I completed the 21 Day Meditation Challenge, I guess I felt lost and a bit floundery.  I wished that the challenge had been longer.  Luckily, it was available for free for 30 days afterwards but once it was gone, I would have to pay for it.  Of course.  That ticks me off a little bit too...the people with the power to help but charge for their services.  I know, I know...business, gotta make money, I know that but still, something about it chafes at my sense of humbleness.  (is that a word?)

 

I read the book, the Practical Guide to Buddhist Meditation and I fell into step with it.  It practically sang to me in its layman terms.  I am 43 and not as fit as I should be, so sitting with one leg on top of the other...

 

 

... has been a never-gonna-happen sort of thing.  In fact, for the Deepak Chopra challenge, I had been sitting quite nicely and comfortably and straight-backed (or so I thought) in the old rocking chair (with the lever forward so it didn't actually rock) that Steve bought me when I was pregnant with our first.  Turns out though, that I shouldn't have been using the back as support.  I should've been leaning forward slightly so that my channels, all the lovely glowy chakra channels could be aligned and open.

 

I read the first chapter and decided to go to the ground which I had tried before, but my back ached so much that it interfered with meditation.  I grabbed two or three cushions because apparently pillows are too smooshy for this purpose, and set about finding the right height for kneeling.  Honestly, it felt like I was straddling a horse, and after the second or third time my six old daughter had to help me up because my legs were permanently zig-zagged, I opted instead, to try the Burmese:

 

 

 

One foot in front of the other.  Much more doable with a bunch of cushions under the back of your butt (as opposed to under the whole fleshy thing)  and definitely easier on the old joints.  Pretty much that's how I look, right there.  I don't do my hands on each leg with the fingers in a circle because they just don't stay like that, so I keep my left palm under my right in my lap.  My back still aches a little but it's all about adjustment and finding what's right for you.

 

So, whether you sit legs akimbo, legs crossed, on top of each other, whether you sit in a chair or on a fancy meditation bench made in Taiwan or China or wherever, just remember that mostly it'll feel like this...

 

...but when done with sincerity and authenticity, it only takes that one shiny moment of clarity where you feel nothing but light in your heart that provokes tears...hot, fat tears of gratitude or a smile, a smile as big and bright as the sun...to know it's all so totally worth it.

Lisa ...

 

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Welly well well!  Snargles abound finally! 

Oh, and being a totally curious chicky that I am, I found out what snargle actually means which is pretty funny really.  Mind you, I'm extra curious about how one would "wake an animal into unfavorable conditions"...I have images of legs akimbo and long rubber gloves...ahem...

Anyway!  What a whirlwind week pour moi.  I got a job...yes indeedy...an honest to goodness Monday to Friday job and I'm blowing away those business-minded cobwebs to re-learn what I left behind ten years ago, which has proved to be quite an easy task really.  I'm an adaptive sort of person, honed from years of moving, switching and changing.  Seriously, my Dad was in the Navy and we moved every two years for quite some time.  I think those early years planted a gypsy seed.

So, yes, had the interview last Thursday, hired on Friday, started work this past Monday.  And, I resigned my job at the radio station.  And, I've got two plays going on with this...

...yeah, see the the thing at the bottom?  I forget what that's called...that refers to the play I'm in.  I get to say 'son of a bitch' and 'damn' a lot.  Me likee!!  So, come!  Also, I'm wearing a slip onstage, with undies of course, but that's pretty much it.  Oh, and I have to figure out how to put on a pair of tights (panty hose) without getting my bits in everyone's faces. 

Panty hose...panty hose...why panty hose? 

Lots of changes in this British Biscuit's life.  I'm really enjoying P!nk lately and I am bowled over by her latest - "Try".  I had to stick the video in because it's just heartbreaking and breathtaking in it's message and choreography.  You really do have to keep getting up and trying, even when you get burned, even when it's not right.  Just get up and try again. 

Unlike the end of the video though, I decided not to get up and try down a path trodden again and again.  The Universe, Higher Power, God, whatever floats around up there that guides us unseen, but definitely felt, when you make a conscious decision to tune in, handed me opportunities that I noticed.  I took them and here I am. 

A happier, more positive biscuit.

Mind you, with all this activity I have found no time to meditate.  Or exercise.  At the start of the week, I felt flumpy and floopy and out of sorts.  But!  There's an app for that!  GPS for the soul created by Huffington Post.  Daily snips of goodness for the soul which can be accessed at lunchtime or in between helping the kids with their homework and slogging over the mashed potatoes for dinner.  Nice music with inspiring quotes and pretty backgrounds, right?  Sure.  But you can make it personal too by adding your own uplifting crap.  That's how I've been managing to keep in touch with the spirit.  That, and falling asleep to hypnotic meditation apps.  Or listening to another British chick called Shazzie who really doesn't look like a Shazzie, but I love her voice.



I miss the act of sitting on my cushions in the back room upstairs though.  I tried getting up a half an hour earlier to do just that on Monday morning but snuggling under the blankets in bed and breathing in to "so" and out to "hum" seemed a much nicer option.  Finding time to appreciate the good things all round helps to keep in touch with the soul.  For instance, I stopped to get gas yesterday.  It was bitterly cold and windy but I stood outside my car (per the instructions) and while the petrol was pumping, I braced myself against the wind and closed my eyes to feel the force of nature racing against my face.  Last night, after I came home from rehearsals, tired and brain dead, I looked up to see Orion standing proud in the night sky.  Or seeing my triplet of sister Maples in the back yard from the kitchen window...

So, I breathe in and I breathe out and I love where I am.  I just love it.  I'm grateful for everything.  The past, the present and whatever I make of my future.

And, going back to my resignation from radio.  That was a flip-flop decision but ultimately, the right one.  Why would I continue giving my energy to a corporation that doesn't know how to appreciate talent or loyalty?  I loved that job at one time; it gave me solace and solitude to be able to work out a lot of things that needed to be sorted out privately.  It served its purpose and I am appreciative of that but it's time to hang up the headphones and move forward.

Right, must dash.  Enjoy your weekend!  Be safe...be warm...just be.

Lisa.