I grew up with classic British comedy such as Fawlty Towers. That scene is one of my favorites, as is this one...
I loved The Good Life,(with the wonderful Richard Briers, RIP) Morecambe & Wise, Terry & June and so many, many others that would take up most of this page. Good British comedy...bawdy, rude, off-color that always featured some sort of misunderstanding or embarrassing coincidence.
I also fell in love with Danny Kaye from an early age after watching his debut movie "Up in Arms". I was not like my peers at all. I think most of them were listening to Duran Duran or Morrissey before school, yet there I was begging my Mum to play this one song and dance scene he had with Dinah Shore every morning. Without realizing it, I took part of him with me to school every day. His comedic ability and wonderful sense of timing helped me get through those years when I felt awkward and different and so far away from my own sense of self.
It was his influence and those of some of the other actors and actresses that I secretly admired, that switched on my love for the theatre. I took to it like a duck to water, not really knowing that I was immersing myself into characters (be it The Seer in one production or Alice from Alice in Wonderland who cavorted with other literary characters in a student-written production called Victor, Vera and the Video Pirates) as a way to find someone else to be.
Acting was the only thing I felt confident about being able to do (that, and having wild crushes). Even as a gangly ten-year old in a school production about The Archers, I remember a teacher repeatedly asking another student to say a line a certain way. Well, I had ants in the pants, I hopped up and down, because I just knew how it had to be done. I blurted out "Mr. whatever-your-name-was, like this?"...I said the line and the part was mine.
It did not endear me to the other students. Oh well. Thanks Mum, for this pic...
When I was grown up, single and living alone in England, a little voice urged me to get back to the theatre. But, I didn't want to. It scared me. It was something I did as a kid when I was less concerned with familiarity and things staying just the way they were. I have no doubt now, when I look back, that I was being guided away from a destructive relationship into a place and activity where I'd find healing and happiness.
I struggled to get out of the car and into The Athenaeum that first day but once I did, I never looked back (whilst living in England anyway). I performed with The Western College Players for a couple of years and that was fun but I was still separated from the self. Sure, I got nervous before going on stage and I played my characters according to the script. There was just a certain something lacking when I ponder on some of those roles. A deeper sense of the person was missing.
Mind you, my turn as Ruby Birtle in When We Are Married will always be a favorite...she was right up my cheeky alley.
Time passed, I got married, had kids and took a very long break from the stage and in those 14 years away, I lived into myself.
Before long, that little voice got louder...go back to the theatre...go baaaack....
And I did. I have. And I love it, more so than before. I am more nervous, more scared, more oh.my.god.i.think.i'm.going.to.throw.up.my.solar.plexus. My husband asked me before the last show, in an almost incredulous tone, as I was breathing deeply and pacing the kitchen..."Why do you do it??" and all I could reply was "...because I love it."
It takes me so far out of my comfort zone; it's thrilling. I wait in the wings, ready to go and I'm like jello inside. But then I get out there and as long as I've got my first line out, I know I'm good to go and I am that person on the page, lifted off the page. I'm better at it now because I'm connected to my soul, and to keep that connection alive means taking myself on that journey to where real, good life is and living that, is awesome.
Now, I don't get paid to act, I actually have a job for that and it's not what I love to do, but it puts food on the table and that's essential. In fact, many areas of my life are uncertain these days and we don't know where the next punch will come from, but I keep focusing on the positives.
If you love to cook, to run, to read, to paint, to take photographs, to write, to do pilates, to do anything...anything at all, just do it. It doesn't have to be the squiggly, nerve-wracking experience that I put myself through, but if it makes your soul sing and brings a smile to your face, just do it. If you have the loud voice feeding that negative self-image, heed the one that's quieter, more stable and less prone to outbursts...it's telling you the truth...that you are good at this thing or that you truly will enjoy this thing, that this thing is for you and you can do it.
Because you just never know what your attitude and sense of purpose will bring to you. I'm already on to the third chapter of my book, huzzah!
Lisa...
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