Today, I heard that a good friend of mine snagged himself a plum job out of state which meant that he would have to uproot his family once again. I call him a good friend, despite the fact that in the eleven years I've known him, if you were to add up all the times we were in each others' presence, it would probably only come to about ooh, a month. Sometimes it doesn't take much to realize the spirited connectedness between two people, no matter how states, or time separate them.
C.S. Lewis wrote about The Four Loves:
Storge (stor-gay) - Affection. Fondness through familiarity. It's a natural feeling, a cherishing sort of love, without limits, without pressure and non-judgemental. Most often found within family.
Philia - Friendship. The love that exists between friends. Lewis is pretty firm in his stance that people of the modern world have not experienced this kind of strong, instinctive, convivial love like those found in Greek Mythology or The Bible. However, with the emergence of online networks like Facebook, Live Journal and the like, I beg to differ that not only have we seen an upsurge in deep connections such as this, but I have seen and experienced the actual rekindling and growth of this type of love through old school friends, for example.
I would also like to mention that there is a feeling of more loving kindness in the world...not enough yet to outweigh the horrors but if enough of us feel this way and do our part, there has to be change at some point.
*steps off soapbox*
Eros - Romance. Fairly straightforward, this one with the sense of loving someone, being in love and having passion for another.
Agape (a-gop-ay) - Unconditional Love. It tends to have different meanings in all the major food groups, but to lay it down in its base form, I understand it to mean a selfless love, the purest form there is, either coming from (and going to) Source or God, or whoever...up there. It is gentle, caring and discriminates against no-one.
John Lee believes that there are six which include those up there as well as these:
Ludus - probably reserved for college students.
Pragma - for Sheldon Cooperites
and
However a person feels love, in any or all of those forms, there is also the possibility to feel the stinging backside of it when things change. Except perhaps with Agape Love which is endless and timeless and sacred.
Now, my friend. My dear friend, to whom I have been loyal all these years without really noticing, told me his news and my little heart ached. It's definitely Philia love right there and even though we've spent more time apart than together, it's a testament to the strength of our friendship that I shed a few tears.
We've all had heartache from any one of those sources above (again Agape notwithstanding). When I was younger, and as I tend to describe myself back then - "vacant" - heartaches were frequent, cruel and the anguish was oh, just unbearable! That's the price of youth, I think. The hard knocks and learning curves and any other cliche you could throw in there. But we yearn for it and we search for it (unless we are Sheldon Cooper).
We put trust in our finds, even though it could all go in an unexpected direction. A friend you thought was a good friend, turns out to be not so much. Ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with? The guy you were obsessed with got a restraining order on you...whatever the turn of events (probably not as crazy as the last one), it doesn't get easier as we get older, no matter how wise we think we have become. That sharpness sticks the heart without mercy but the difference is in how we deal and how we bounce back.
If you miss, it's ok to miss. If you love, it's ok to love. Feel what you feel. Open up to it all. The good, the bad and the ugly. Because, like she said up there, it won't last forever.
What kind of souls would we be cultivating in this lifetime if we just shut down to everything because it hurt too much?
Boring ones.
Ones who hadn't felt the wild pendulum of emotion.
And, I don't know about you but I want to use this lifetime to grow as much as I can, learn all I can squeeze in and love as heartily and playfully and deeply as possible.
Lisa...
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