Simply complex

I'm new to the world of blogging and with this mindframe, new to the world at large. When I began writing in January, I didn't like the term 'blog' and playfully referred to my posts as 'snargles.' I do like that word still; it's cute without being froofy. At times though I acquiesce and admit that there's nothing really wrong with the word blog, even if it does sound stodgy. It's just a word. And words is apparently what I do. So, blog is fine and so is snargle.

Recently, a very dear friend referred to me as complex. Hmm... Moi? Complex? I've been the recipient of many adjectives over the years; some lovely and some not so, but I've never been thought of as complex. Or maybe I have, they just didn't tell me. I know that I had never considered myself in that way. Complex infers many layers, many angles, ups, downs, sides and corners, everything about being human. I guess I am, as we all are, filled with these things that make us up. Love stories, war stories, birth stories, work stories, life stories, growing up, falling down, people, past, present, all of the ever ongoing compendium of our lives. Everything we have ever experienced is stamped on us somewhere. Stamped and covered up with the next experience like a stack of papers receiving the necessary signature...paper, stamp, paper, stamp, paper...

How different we can be! Just like everyone else, I have made mistakes, tumbled blindly, scraped and bowed, suffered consequences. I have judged and made remarks. I have taken sides and generally, not been a nice person. Now I am grown. I have learned. I think it is true that the soul, the essential light in a person is just always there, it has no need to grow and learn, for it knows everything already. It's whole and as pure and perfect as it can possibly be. Really it is our "humanness" that must learn and evolve around it.

Eventually, hopefully, most of us come to understand what needs to happen to the human part of us, that rushing, whirling, often out of control side. It has to sort of merge with the soul. When that happens it's calm, it's bliss, it's serene. Some people out there, such as the gurus like Mooji, Deepak, Eckhart, I'm sure have their fraught moments, nobody is that perfect. But I have no doubt that the majority of the time in their body in this life could be likened to walking very slowly through thigh high water on a warm, sunny day; effortless, smooth, wonderful.

My journey is new and so I have fleeting glimpses of such serenity but even so, on the whole and in every day life I feel more calm than complex. Yet perhaps it's the complexity that makes things so simple, in that I'm more concerned with the light in my heart than the daily goings on of the mind. I can peel back my layers of stamped pages and see everything I've ever done, said, been, had, looked at, thought about, cried over, laughed at...the whole lot of it and truly know that although it makes up me as my human self, the Lisa, I am not her really, I am not those things, I am simply Love. I am Light.

That's not to say that I am not looking forward to stamping more pages in the book of this life. I am, very much so. Simply, I will try not to live it as that human person scattering her eggs every which way. Instead, I will opt for the soulful, simply complex light waiting patiently for the human side to complete its fit, accepting all the experiences, old, new and present with loving arms.

Mind you, I'm under no illusion that I'll be all Galadriel.  More like...Patsy Stone.  Minus the ciggies and Bollinger, of course.