Writing Challenge: A Manner of Speaking (Plymouth-style)

I write mostly at Wordpress.com; it has a more grown-up feel and is definitely more 'community-based.'  Often, the worker bees at WP throw out a Writing Challenge.  "The Assassin" came out of the last one I decided to take part in.  This week's challenge piqued my interest and from that, this little missive was born:

I should like to preface the following by informing you that at one time, I actually did speak this way.  I grew up mainly in Plymouth, England and people from Plymouth are known as Janners.  So here goes some phonetic Jannerspeak with occasional swearing.


Monologue.

"Ahreeet!  Me nem's Lisa, om eighteen and ah lives in Plimuff.  Ah goes collij wiv me mehts and we haves a reet laff, we duz.  Mind you, it's borin as shite so we goes out on weekends, lyeek.  Me meht 'Chelle asks me, "'ere, where you going to?" and argoes, "om goin' pub" and she goes, "it's orribow doen there, come wiv me doen Jesters" and argoes, "you're fockin cheeky you are 'Chelle, you just wanna see that byee, Darren!" and she goes, "ya tehhken the fockin piss or wot?" and ah gives her aggro but we goes anyways and ah tells her she's gutta buy me fegs to mehk op fer it.  So we gets to Jesters and ah says "'Chelle, it's dead in ere, innit" but she's lyeek, lukkin for this Darren bloke so she ken chat him op, lyeek.  Om gutted, oyam, so ah gets a pernoe and coke at the bar.  Om finkin wot kinda meht is she anyways, flippin mentoe she is.  Jes lygat, she's gone and om finkin I can't be assed!  Then this bloke comes up, he's reet bladdered alreddy and it's not even nine o clock, luks lyeek 'e's bin on a reet bender.  'Ee sez, "'ow's you?  What's yer nem called?  You're elluva gorgeous burrd, you are" and argoes, "fock off, you!" and 'ee gets all gobby, sez ah wuz gaggin fer it so ah leaves and goes doen chippy, gets sum grub and tehks a taxi 'ome.  Ah seez 'Chelle at collij the next day and ah give 'er what for, sez she left me lyeek billy no mates.  I sez "It's lygis, you does it again and om goin' out wiv Sandra instead."  And 'Chelle turns around and sez "Nah. 'e wuz reet gormless.  Won't 'appen uggen.  Fancy a bevvy later?" And ah smiles and argoes, "lovely jubbly, 'Chelle."

Lisa...